Stop the presses!! A small community in China has found the rare, mystical fungus which — according to ancient legend — can give it’s possessor immortality.
No, wait. No…that’s just a used dildo.
As you can see above, a news story broke on Sunday after villagers found what they believed to be a rare, double-headed mushroom. The local station immediatelty sent their top dog to cover the story:
The report opens with Ye proclaiming the discovery of the mysterious object, the likes of which “not even an 80-year-old local man has seen.” Villagers crouch around the object, floating innocently in a water-filled bucket. “It has an eye and a nose, but we don’t know what it is,” says a man who was among the drillers who discovered the sex toy.
What’s most amazing about this story is that not one person in this entire village — or more impressively, in the entire news station — considered the fact that it could be something you stick you dick into. There was no, “Hey…haven’t we seen this somewhere?”
Such innocence, such purity.
It does make you wonder though — who was the first guy to bite into it? And was it as for him as it was for the internet??
Eventually, after the story aired (and reached the internet), the news station received an onslaught of testicular corrections about the story. It later issued an embarrassed apology, adding “Our reporter is very young and sheltered.”
They instead encouraged viewers to watch their exclusive coverage of a new moon they’ve found orbiting the sun:
[via ABC News]
props to ‘Tay for the tip