Hey, Look At These Celebrities Using Their iPhones Better Than You

For a long time, I was a defender of Apple and their chrome-brushed products and their sleek advertising campaigns. But seriously, this is just f***ing stupid.

“I have had it with this motherfucking organic mushrooms in this motherfucking risotto!”

Since when did Samuel Jackson become so white? I guess that doesn’t matter. With Siri around, all that matters is how pretentious Apple can make their ads. I mean, this honestly has to be the smuggiest thing I’ve ever seen.

Now I must pause to say that I am quasi-guilty in all of this. I have a new iPhone with Siri so I guess I helped pay Samuel Jackson to have the gayest date night ever. (It’s like those ads that say if you buy marijuana, you give money to terrorists. Which, again, means I’ve given a lot of money to the wrong people.)

My other problem with this, besides making Pulp Fiction way less believable, is that Siri is absolutely useless. My experiences with it are much more like this video, and about none of this rainy-day Zooey nonsense:

Don’t worry, it’s only raining over Zooey’s house. That smug cloud has been their all week.

But I guess I can’t blame these celebrities for trying to out-iPhone me. (They win, btw.) I blame Apple for their increasingly condescending ad campaigns. And more importantly, for their tight pinch on my nuts with their amazing products that I will absolutely still buy anyway.

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